Whatever it Takes – Really?

It’s no secret. Marriages are hurting. Christian marriages are hurting – bad.

Wherever I go – whether to visit, vacation, preach, learn, or pastor – the theme is the same: MANY Christian men and women are miserable in their marriages.

Money issues.

Job issues.

Texting issues.

Facebook issues.images

Pornography issues.

In-law issues.

Children issues.

Trust issues.

On and on I could go.

One thing I have noticed, however, that I often hear people say with their lips, but contradict with their actions – is this:

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work.”

Really? Do you REALLY mean that?

  • Then how come you won’t go see a professional counselor?
  • Then how come you won’t read that recommended book?
  • Then how come you won’t quit your job?
  • Then how come you won’t go get a different job?
  • Then how come you won’t stop everything to work on your marriage?
  • Then how come you won’t pray with your spouse?
  • Then how come you won’t take your spouse on a date – just you two?
  • Then how come you won’t talk when your spouse wants to?
  • Then how come you won’t put down your stinkin’ smartphone?
  • Then how come you won’t move to another town – away from your parents?
  • Then how come you . . . ?

Here’s what I am learning about marriages – Christian marriages (my own included):

Those who have ‘healthier’ marriages demonstrate they will do whatever it takes when things are fine.

Marriages at the ER, on the other hand – say it only when they’re desperate.

Here’s the thing: If you are really willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work – you will be that way all the time, not just when your marriage is flatlining.

Most spouses who say they will do whatever it takes only at desperation time don’t really mean it because they don’t know how. Sure, they mean well and are sincere with their words. But their actions prove over and over again that they really have no clue how to do it.

Don’t you think if you cultivated that attitude NOW then maybe, just maybe, your marriage would stay out of ICU?

Are you really willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work?

Awesome. But talk is cheap. How can you demonstrate it NOW?

No, really. Do it. Now.

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One thought on “Whatever it Takes – Really?

  1. Sergio says:

    We say we are willing to do so many things that are “right” because we truly have no clue how to do them, or what REALLY doing them entails… What we do know is that, on the surface, we can tell one thing: “it’s the right thing to do, and I want this hardship to be over”. So if that’s what needs to happen, good… I’ll do it. The motivation is devoid of love, totally propelled by fear and self interest. That’s why hardship is the only thing that triggers the “commitment”, because it’s only at that moment that fear and self interest kick in. If we only knew what love truly is, beyond this reciprocal emotional felling society has limited it to be. Love is selflessness… Unconditional, undeserved, un merited selflessness. Which means true love has very little to do with an emotional response to what my spouse has done, does or will do, but rather a premeditated commitment to love because I WANT to, because I WILL to. I have decided before the end of our days together that, no matter what, this will work. Hard to do? Not really, it truly a yes or no decision. The truly hard part is coming to grips with the question: can I be selfless? No “buts”. When both man and woman are willing to take that stance, marriage becomes unshakable not dependent on the successes or failures of each other, but rather on a willingness to submit to God’s call regarding how we are to love one another.

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